Tell us a little about yourself
Conscious Elderhood Retreat 2022 - Ghost Ranch, Abiquiu, New Mexico
I was born on the East Coast in the 1950’s, moved with my family when I was two or three to the West Coast and raised in Southern California. I have an older brother and two younger sisters. I would classify my upbringing as suburban middle class and most of my early experiences fall into this category until I was 14 when we moved to the Netherlands. I attended school there for two years. To get to school I walked a half mile, took a bus, then a train and then walked some more to get to my classes. This was a transformative time for me. Back then most kids were in scouting - I was as well - where I learned self-reliance and caught the travel bug. Coming back to California was a rocky transition for me. Our family moved within our small town five or six times so I never really had a place I remember as home in the traditional sense. In college, I studied philosophy as an undergraduate at three colleges and architecture as a graduate student at three more colleges. Did I mention I dropped out of college for a year and hitchhiked around Europe? I’m not sure if Hugh Prather’s Notes to Myself or Ram Dass’ Be Here Now impacted me - I suspected they both did - it was an interesting time - the 1970’s.
In between my degrees in philosophy and architecture I lived in the Sierras at Lake Tahoe working at a ski resort for 5 years, moving from stockroom assistant to manager of the Day Lodge on the ski hill. I was also married during this time - one of the happiest days of my life - Vicki and I were together for forty-five years. We did a lot of living in the ten years before we had children - Vicki bring a talented artist and I was training to become an architect. We lived in many places in Northern California, Southern California, Massachusetts, New Mexico, back to Southern California and then Texas, where we raised our two children - Tyler and Alex - both born in California - for about twenty-five years before returning to California. I worked throughout my formative years in various jobs during high school, college and summers in between.
For me, there is much to cover and I am still harvesting my experiences. Another perspective of my story - mostly professional career is on LinkedIn. Vicki and I were explorers together - seekers of new experiences engaging us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. These pursuits contributed to our well-being through thick and thin times. what I learned with Vicki continues to guide me - she is my North Star. As varied as the places I have lived so too are the jobs I have had - I didn’t work for any one company for more than five years. A nomad back then - as I am now.
While Tyler - my daughter - and Alex - my son - were growing up they spent a few summers at Ghost Ranch with Vicki along with her mom, sisters and their children. Tyler’s Rite of Passage was at Ghost Ranch when she was 16 - while Alex - 13 then - spent three weeks at the ICA Rite of Passage program in Olympia, Washington run by Stan Crow. Vicki’s mom Jean, who is 94 years old - in the same time frame - became a certified Sage-ing Circle facilitator based on the practices outined in From Age-ing to Sage-ing by Zalman Schacter-Shalomi and Ronald S. Miller. The stories of Alex, Tyler and Jean are impactful for me and important moments in my life review. During this time I trained at the Institute of Cultural Affairs taking Technology of Participation certification courses in Group Facilitation Methods, Philosophy of Participation and Participatory Strategic Planning. Tyler and Alex are now in their 30”s.
My work life has been fulfilling - 40 plus years of varied experiences - I have retired twice and gone back to work - only this time I have a different awareness and transitioning myself from just getting old to becoming whole and complete. I spent years practicing my vocation, facilitating and guiding others as a profession - my intent was - and is - to be a catalyst for change in myself and in others. Which brings me to this story.
I hurt my back - not an uncommon occurrence due to my active lifestyle - except this time it would not go away. One of the specialists I saw said to me “it might be time for you to be less a driver and more a passenger - it might be time to get help for the heavy lifting” which in due time I realized was both a teachable moment for me and a life lesson. As passengers we do not readily give up our autonomy or right to choose - we just have more presence and less need ‘to do’ so others can help allowing us ‘to be’. I had been looking “out there” for so long in my coaching, teaching, and work accomplishments - this simple moment made me realize it was time to work on myself - listen to my own voice, harvest the gifts of my life and chart the cycles of my life.
My story will continue as I learn and grow. I do not want to lose sight of the fortunate position I am in - to harvest my experiences at this point in my journey. It is a gift. Vicki’s passage from the physical realm in 2019 continues to teach me about the wonders of the present moment - to go to sleep each night without regrets and awaken each morning with gratitude and joy - because - if you do not wake up - how will you know?
To be continued…